"So much of recovery is inward and personal, I hadn’t realized that many of my social behaviors were another facet of the eating disorder’s control. Only by letting go of the people-pleasing and the pressure of unrealistic expectations was I finally able to set my own priorities and boundaries. I like to say recovery gave me my life back but that isn’t entirely true; it gave me the opportunity to build a new one." Published 26 January 2023.
"I didn’t think anyone could possibly understand that while I believed it was necessary to leave my eating disorder behind, committing to recovery was still a painful decision. I wanted to grieve my eating disorder, which in many ways had become like a best friend, albeit a very toxic and manipulative one." Published 21 September, 2022
A poem I wrote on a run (by whispering out loud over and over to remember the lines) in March inspired me to frame strength as what it means in recovery. "Without fear, Mental math... ED, let me be, I’m mesmerized by the new me... In the end, without my best friend, Numbers rewind, I can run again." Published 16 August 2022.
Promo for AKEDA's new IFT (intensive family care) program alongside UCSD. I may not be a parent... but... I know what it's like to make my parent fear for their child's life. The most rewarding responses to my essays have come from parents. Thank you all for supporting your wonderful kid. Keep going. Published 11 August 2022.
"I now accept that my mental illness is just that, an underfunded medical mystery. It’s not my fault, and certainly not a measure of my self-worth or strength... No longer am I bitterly willing to suffer for the sake of stubborn struggling. I am open to receiving help." Published 4 Aug 2022.
"Reconnecting with my dog was one of those heightened, wonderful, and shocking emotional moments post numb eating disorder haze... the ultimate sign I was doing the right thing in healing... and found it remarkably cathartic to see her get excited about every meal." Published 28 July 2022.
"The eating disorder instills in us a set of beliefs and rules to be followed. As the disease progressed, my personality shrunk into a withdrawn husk of who I was before..."
"Honesty blooms the day someone admits out loud that they need help. The recovery battle requires constantly defying the eating disorder’s manipulation." Published 1 June 2022.
"Because I and my partner had a difficult time finding resources to add perspective for ED survivor’s partners, I wrote you this letter." Thank you for really seeing me. Published 21 April 2022.
Heading into remission, but coming to terms with the lifelong diagnosis. Eating disorders don't go away simply because we stop using behaviors. Dealing with stigma, education, anxiety, and the pressing need to address the rise in ED cases during the pandemic. Published 23 March 2022.
A letter written to myself to Keep Going on 6 month recovery mark (30 March 2021) published 5 Jan 2022.
"Recovery is all about feeling this fear and reconciling it, by naming it and doing it anyway. It’s these little rebellions against our eating disorders that separate us from it and eventually give us our lives back."
Sharing my journey to recovery, published 25 Feb 2022 in honor of Eating Disorder Awareness Week.
I'm incredibly sad, distressed, and all the other feelings because NEDA has seen a 107% increase in calls since the pandemic began. Last year during NEDA week I wanted to express my solidarity for those going through an eating disorder. But I couldn't find the words to share what I was going through, how irrevocably it changed my life. This year, I was able to start embracing it.
