"I didn’t think anyone could possibly understand that while I believed it was necessary to leave my eating disorder behind, committing to recovery was still a painful decision. I wanted to grieve my eating disorder, which in many ways had become like a best friend, albeit a very toxic and manipulative one." Published 21 September, 2022
Promo for AKEDA's new IFT (intensive family care) program alongside UCSD. I may not be a parent... but... I know what it's like to make my parent fear for their child's life. The most rewarding responses to my essays have come from parents. Thank you all for supporting your wonderful kid. Keep going. Published 11 August 2022.
"I now accept that my mental illness is just that, an underfunded medical mystery. It’s not my fault, and certainly not a measure of my self-worth or strength... No longer am I bitterly willing to suffer for the sake of stubborn struggling. I am open to receiving help." Published 4 Aug 2022.
"Reconnecting with my dog was one of those heightened, wonderful, and shocking emotional moments post numb eating disorder haze... the ultimate sign I was doing the right thing in healing... and found it remarkably cathartic to see her get excited about every meal." Published 28 July 2022.
"You do you and your diet, your hot girl summer, your “nature’s cereal.” That’s your business, but I sincerely hope you aren’t doing it because you fear “fat.” Whether you are or aren’t, let’s not discuss it at the table. Instead, let’s pull up a chair for health at every size."
Published 11 July 2022.
"There are various ways... depending on your relationship. My family members were direct... I would still be their sister/daughter at the end of it. I’m grateful to them now for seeing how trapped I was in my eating disorder. But when I was sick...I wanted to protect my eating disorder because I couldn’t rationally comprehend survival without it." Published 13 June 2022.
"The eating disorder instills in us a set of beliefs and rules to be followed. As the disease progressed, my personality shrunk into a withdrawn husk of who I was before..."
"Honesty blooms the day someone admits out loud that they need help. The recovery battle requires constantly defying the eating disorder’s manipulation." Published 1 June 2022.
My eating disorder made me a person of many faces and created a secret life. Eating “normally” in front of friends, being “easy-going,” never talking about my anxiety, having impassioned hobbies, and more. But there was the other face, the one that hid, lied, measured, worried, obsessed, calculated, feared. This essay exposes that secret me. Published 6 May 2022.
"Because I and my partner had a difficult time finding resources to add perspective for ED survivor’s partners, I wrote you this letter." Thank you for really seeing me. Published 21 April 2022.